So um I kinda wished pain on someone who hurt me is that immoral. If so I'm sorry, but it's life eye for an eye.
My blog has view and no comments trick it's ok.
I've learned that when you do it all for yourself
It helps you and maybe someday someone else Did I just teach myself a lesson. Go Me
So I started it, it got deleted, I started it again... I was hoping the thoughts changed but they didn't.
Here we go my heads fucked up and so is my health
Most people my age just looking for wealth
Butt I'm looking for piece inside myself
Not a quick break
A blunt or a pill
Just someone to keep it real
Hold my hand and not be ashamed or think its a putty game
A tell me truthfully they'll help me fly
To moon, mars or just to see the stars
Don't have to whine me and dine me at all.
Treat me heart
Like its made of Gold and work your way to my SOUL.
I write all things I can't say hoping one day someone won't need me too.
They can read my eyes and know exactly what's inside
Will love the real me
Someone on here makes me feel so special it's unreal. But he's kinda not real. He seem so real, he makes me laugh, listens to me. But he's so much older. I need a friend in my real world like him. We have our moments but trick is we are both exsamples of what we want. I'm not ready for much more than I friend. Because the one I thought was still here only wants what's between my legs😔. I want someone to treasure my heart not my vagina. No lie imma freak but chill out. Hold my hand before my ass kiss my cheek before you try to taste my throat lol that's funny. But for real I'm serious I want a boy/friend that one day well I want some physical contact not sex yet but I wanna new find he read this he gone know its him so um official blush.
So as some of people that follow things I write may know I'm emotionally damaged. I love hard. And am in denial about a lot I cry often which I hate. I'm in this unreal battle against myself. My x rolls in my head a lot I see something funny and wanna share it with someone but fact is there's no one to be silly with kiss hug text feel some affection . No point in dwelling on what remains the same. So moving on I got a paid internship!! :) feel good how I pull those strings!! But it's exciting. The only people that know are complete strangers, because I have no one else. My best friend is dealing with coming out. My bud is hurting me because I think he took advantage of my loneliness he got pictures of my breast text sex and I came to see him @ work. I began to fall for him told him and he used me after he realize I couldn't be his taxi to have sex with me he disapeared. So I'm officially more lonley. I have decieded not to blame MS for everything, I'm working for everything I need want and desire. I think hatetrid is waste of my much needed energy. I told my therapist I just wanna be a float enjoy my life, be a happy single. Enjoy my life, feel something real and not pain but joy pure joy
So, I just read the book act like a lady think like a man. And wow. I am an emotional creature who has been through a lot but trick is I want love in my life. Love from a man, sex is a great perk for us but I'm looking for my best friend. Now in reading this book it's not such a bad thing just have to make clear what you want. Andi think I've made a big mistake by loving so hard to a man who did some right some wrong but he supported loved cared played with intimate with took my virginaty I cook clean massage him cater to him and he left. Question is why? Is it because I got multiple sclerosis, because he became a good money makin pro boxer because he got bored what.but can't get him outa my head and I want to like a lot a lot but beyond the love of my life destroying my heart and soul. I've learned something I'm starting to get back to feeling beautiful. Sure there are people who intimidate me people that make me feel ugly. I thought. I was getting my confidence back but I'm not.one thing I can say is dee wants things that happening slowly but her other have want it right fuckin now and a 1/4 of her is like fuck it I failed already. Today I drove alone for the first time again after my MS. It's like when people ask you stuff about yo body and y this do this you just wanna say I got Multiple Sclerosis that's what's wrong bitch. Can you fix dat. I'm so full of rage . I just wanna get my DMM and be and look and feel normal again I'm so full of rage it's not even anger nomore it's rage. It's like I want something so got damn bad I'm like killin myself to get me back my body my hair my dancer my balance my voice my confidence myself the me I knew not the me. I guess this break down will make a good story one day but today I'm crying a lot of memories are gone but his are fresh. I want.... Nvm it ain't gone happen I need to move back to daytona and start a fresh. There, friends, might move to g.a to be with family, I just figured it out I want something beautiful friendship.bottom line my insecurity will fade my loneliness will disappear and despite want for love will no longer be despite. Question is how do I get it.
Since I have no one to say it to and no one to say it back good morning :)have a good day. Dang I miss that. As you can see I'm fucked up....🔪👺
My pat relationship is haunting me! I love this guy so much he won't leve my dreams. Just watch the vow and cried am I weak! He left while i was in the hospital, crushed me.but as the vow says ill stay for all he did right not his ONE wrong. He never leaves my mind I pray for him daily just because the is unconditional. So through all my pain he still holding this large place in my heart. He was my fairy tale, I never expected an ending! But boom it's here. Just tell me how to move past him and be happy alone. I was damaged before but now idk if who's next can brake this iron steal shield cause I'm in hiding. My phone never rings I don't get good morning text or kisses so that leads me 2 dun dun duuuun MS life left arm killin me walked over amulets and drive a lloonnngg way woooohooo there's more but gotta work tomorrow so gn
So I'm a new blogger and I just wanna ask plz comment, give advise, critic, tell me get over it anything just need feed back! I hate myself. I love who I used to be I'm alone I jump for joy when my phone rings. No one understands me I feel unatractive. I've been through and going through a lot . I'm not gone lie I have no self confidence I went from 130lbs to 99 not by choice by force, I wanted to feel beauty again so bad I was thinking about changing my sexual preference. I'm lost inside my self feel like a black hole. How do I get out makeup? Um random sex? Meet new people? But my city I know so many my... Ex as you can see was hard for me to say but that'll be another post. But he knows a boat load of people. I wanna move but I'm not in a place in my life to do that yet. So what should I do?? I wanna be in company with people that want it. Not all men girls night out friends, how do I get there? I wanna go back to college but my health is a factor. I have people in other cities that would help don't laugh but where and how do you meet people?
My mood: pretty confused
Previous PostsI don't want to but can't help it, posted January 17th, 2013
It's crazy, posted January 9th, 2013
Someday... Someone, posted January 9th, 2013, 4 comments
Something-somebody or my imagination, posted November 24th, 2012
!!, posted November 9th, 2012
The outlook, posted November 3rd, 2012, 3 comments
Good morning, posted October 29th, 2012
Topic to topic, posted October 28th, 2012
New to this, posted October 26th, 2012
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